My earliest true memory of where I was placed, is of Easter, I cannot remember if I was three or four, quite possibly it was three. I had been placed with a family with a mother, father and two brothers. This family fostered other children as well as myself, but their time there was quite short, and my memories of them do not impact my story.
In this memory I see myself, standing in the corner of the L shaped benches of our dining room table, peeking out of the slanted blinds and ivy print drapes, waving two fingers at my mother, who was standing outside, pleading with my foster mother, asking to see her baby, just for a few minutes, just in the spirit of Easter. The visit was of course, not permitted, and so my mother, dashed of her hopes, left in tears.
I believe the last time I saw my mother after this was the following Easter, and this memory, is only brought around by a photo. My mother and I are sitting in the grass, I in her lap, as she snuggles me, and holds me close, maybe not knowing it would be her last time seeing me for nine years. I framed this photo in my home, to remind me, that she has always loved me, even through her worst times.
From what I recall, I was to be adopted evenutally, after gaurdianship papers were signed, and parental rights taken away from mine. I was going to complete their family.
Quite soon after this, our family of 5 became a family of 6 when a very sick little girl came to live with us. Her name was Crystal, and she was addicted to meth at birth. Her mother was just as unfit as mine, but this little girl had much more health issues then I. By the age of 6 she had undergone multiple surgeries to correct a cleft pallet, had gone to multiple physical therapists, because the doctors thought she may never walk, and had come out quite ok from being born with an addiction she did not ask for. This little girl stole their hearts, and sadly this was not a family that had enough love to share. After Crystal came to live with us, they changed her name to Aubrey, and very quickly adopted her. There was a grand party to celebrate, and once the adoption was finalized, things turned around for me. The foster kids stopped being placed, they had found what they were looking for. I of course was already a gaurdian child, which is more permanent then foster, so I stayed. But looking back, I feel that once she became part of their family, and finalized Pam's (gaurdian mother) dream of having a little girl, I became obsolete. A mere nuisance in their home.
I will give you the chance here now to stay or go.
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